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Normally I ignore things like this when they show up on Facebook, but since my friend at Girl on the Park nominated me for some kind of mythical blogging award in a public forum, I feel that I have to respond.

Apparently I have to write seven things that most people do not know about me.  Well, that should be easy; I have a small readership and am notoriously enigmatic.

  1. I can break a board being held roughly 8 ½ feet in the air. I have to use something called a “flying front snap kick,” which is a technique that looks spectacular when performed by someone with technical precision, but appears more like a flying frog leap when I do it.  Ugly as it is, I still take pride in the fact that, under a very specific set of circumstances, I could crush a giant’s face with my foot.
  2. I am somewhat demophobic. It isn’t diagnosed, and it isn’t usually crippling, but fear of large crowds and being trapped in them can make me very uncomfortable at concerts, public interest sites, and suffrage rallies.  I have found myself using breathing exercises to keep from climbing up over the people and running over their heads, Dead Rising style.  It is frustrating that the mere presence of too many people in too small a place keeps me from doing certain things, but I place the blame squarely on humanity and its idiotic need to congregate.
  3. Hospitals creep the hell out of me. This is another phobia, I guess (nosocomephobia), but it is all the more annoying to have when you consider the fact that my wife, father-in-law, mother-in-law, and sister-in-law all work in hospitals.  When they get together, they talk medicine, which makes me feel like I’m in a hospital.  When I need to see one of them during the day, it means going to a hospital.  They use acronyms all the time when they talk and then laugh at me because I don’t know what they mean.  (COW: computer on wheels; FLK: Funny Looking Kid syndrome.)
  4. I once hit my brother with a javelin. It didn’t impale him, since it was a homemade javelin barely sharp enough to stick in the ground – much less his ribs – but it still caught him squarely.  In my defense he was at least 100 feet away, and I threw it wide just to scare him, but Ben has trouble gauging trajectory (as all of us non-sporting Stirlings do) and he ran right into the damn thing.  Poor kid hit the ground hard, and I was convinced I killed him, but there was no blood and he went on to make a full recovery.  He still sometimes flinches when I yell, “Hey Ben, dodge this!”
  5. I went into a bar for the first time at age 24. It was back in Teachers College, and I was forced in there by some well-meaning but alcoholic friends that insisted that I get drunk and dance with them.  Up until that time I had barely touched alcohol of any form, but I was way the heck out in the middle of nowhere, and there really wasn’t anything else to do up there in the woods.  “Tequila Tuesdays” soon became a habit that I had trouble breaking.
  6. I still have a scar on my elbow from wiping out my longboard several years ago. I was new to riding and thought I could safely rip down hills at 40 km/h or so.  I also was not wearing so much as a stitch of safety gear, so I could easily have been killed or grievously wounded, but I lucked out and ended up with nothing more than about 12 square feet of abrasions and road rash.  I no longer bomb hills, but I still ride on occasion, and I never do it without a tiny shudder at how close I was to breaking something.  Like my head.
  7. I’m in love with Christina Aguilera. I stood by her through that weird, greasy Goth stage she went through, and I consider her to be the single greatest vocal talent of our generation.  And we were born on the exact same day.  That alone tells me that we are soul mates.  I have explained this to Erin and she has given me the green light should Xtina ever show up at our door.

Now, to tag people for the Versatile Blogger Award and perpetuate this mess.  You know the drill.