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This is a topic that I am getting mighty tired of writing about, but there is no bleeding way in hell that I am going to be able to concentrate on anything else right now.  Twice this year I have had to push my blundering way through a first day at work.  The first was when I started my volunteering back in January.  The second was when I started actually getting paid to supply teach.

Both were shining examples of why I hate starting a new job.

This time I have tried to line everything up to minimize my first day jitters.  I went in to work the day before to wander around the school and meet people.  I packed my lunch at night (realizing then that we had no food suitable for brown-bagging it because I had zero hope that I would be working this week).  I sorted through my old teaching stuff and filled the car with roughly ten boxes of materials that will likely be of no use to me.

Still, I know how tomorrow will go.

I am the only new teacher there this year. I won’t remember anyone’s name because, while they only had to learn mine, I was supposed to learn 20-something of theirs, and my memory falters badly under stress.  I’ll resort to “Sir,” “Ma’am,” and – in desperation – “Champ.”

I will get lost. With my profoundly poor sense of direction, I will spend half of the day trying to find my room and ending up in the primary portables.  This will cause flashbacks to the first three days of high school where I couldn’t find my locker and had to carry all my stuff with me.  Also, I was really scrawny then and my skin was bad.  And my hair was really stupid looking.  And I had no friends.  And I dressed poorly out of ignorance.  All of that will come rushing back to me like an upwelling of bile-soaked pork at the trailing end of Oktoberfest.

I will say something stupid or unintentionally rude to someone. I mean, everyone likes racist jokes, but sometimes you have to pick the right one at the right time to get everyone thinking, “Hey, that bigot is kind of funny!”

Maybe it will be fine.  Maybe people won’t judge me for my gross ignorance or lack of experience in the board.  But it just sucks to be going into another first day.  Wish me luck.

I plan on writing this on the real board on my first day. Students appreciate honesty.

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