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Keep your groupings tight and aim for the head.

Keep your groupings tight and aim for the head.

From what I hear, many people have been asking my wife how I have been dealing with being unemployed for the last 6 months.  She usually tells them that I have been doing surprisingly well, better than she herself would be doing at this point, but I have to disagree on a few points.  Long-term aimlessness has taken its toll in a number of ways.

  1. My sleep schedule has shifted about 4 hours out of whack. If I am in bed by 1:00 AM, it’s a good night, and getting up by 9:00 feels like trying to move big, sleepy mountains with my bare hands.  And then getting up that late makes me feel like a bum, which makes me depressed, which makes me tired, and then I have a nap, and then I can’t get to sleep before 1:00.  And so the cycle continues…
  2. I’ve watched everything on television. There is nothing new for me.  I swear that even the new episodes of shows feel like reruns because TV has long since abandoned anything approaching creative thought or novelty.
  3. I look forward to going grocery shopping. It gets me out of the house, and I can buy things without feeling guilty about spending money.
  4. I’ve been checking Facebook upwards of 100 times each day. As you might imagine, this leads to intense feelings of resentment toward those people that don’t update their status, pictures, or profiles at least every 15 minutes.  As a Facebook friend, you owe it to me.
  5. I never know what day of the week it is. Today could be Wednesurday for all I know.  Thank goodness I have a Dilbert tear-off calendar on my desk.
  6. I can now pick off a zombie at 200 yards with an assault rifle. My brother can attest to this, since he is one of my few social outlets via the wonders of Xbox Live.  If the zombie apocalypse comes, and if guns turn out to be as easy to aim and shoot as using a videogame controller, we’re set.
  7. When I shut my eyes at night, I can see a computer screen printed on the inside of my eyelids. I think I may be suffering from a bit of ocular “burn-in.”

I know that when I actually do get a job again I’ll complain that I never have any time to do anything.  My friend Kate keeps reminding me that this is one of those rare times where I am not beholden to anyone or anything, so I might as well try to enjoy it.  So I guess I’ll go shoot some zombies to prepare for the inevitable rise of the living dead.