, , ,

Salted meats are one of the few reasons to get up in the morning.

Today, on the way home from installing baseboards at my in-laws, I stopped in at the local Fortino’s, picked up a prosciutto shank, some Italian eggplants, a zucchini, and a loaf of rye bread (I haven’t yet mastered the art of baking my own sourdough loafs).  I imagined the fun meals I could make, savoured the thought of gorging on tiny oranges, and rolled on out to my car.

As I finished loading my trunk, a white SUV screeched to a halt next to my car, its passenger-side window rolling down to reveal a slightly grubby looking fellow with a harried look about him.

“Hey, bud!” he said, immediately putting me off since I hate strangers that refer to me as “bud,” “pal,” or “bro.”

“What can I do for you?” I asked him, not really wanting to do anything at all, but succumbing to the pressure of being Canadian and polite.

“Hey, this is going to sound crazy, but do you want a home theatre system?  Yeah, someone screwed up this order and gave us two home theatre systems instead of just one, so we’re trying get rid of it?  So what do you say?”

I thought to myself, “Self, does this seem legit?  Unmarked vehicle, driving like they’re being chased, panicky look in stranger’s eyes.  Yeah, this is probably fine.”

“You know what,” I told him, “I already have home theatre system.  It would totally be wasted on me.”

“Are you sure, bud?” he asked.  “You could use it for your second TV or something.  We’re just trying to get rid of this thing.”

If only we all had the problem of so many home theatres that we had to drive around the grocery store parking lots to offload them.

“Sorry, not that interested,” I said.

Then the grubby man pulled out a sheet of pink carbon paper in what I can only assume was his last ditch attempt to prove the legitimacy of the deal.  He waved it around as if to entice me into paying him money.

“You sure, bud?  We’re just trying to get rid of this thing.”

“Well,” I wanted to say, “as much as I would love to be party to the sale of stolen goods, I think I’ll pass.”  Instead, I wished the electronics thieves well and headed home.

Still laughing at the absurdity of trolling the grocery store parking lots, I returned home and flipped on my computer.  It was then that I found my second strange surprise.

One of the fun things with WordPress is the ability to see what search terms people have used to find your blog.  A friend of mine makes a regular post about this feature, since he seems to be found by a variety of incredibly strange search terms.

And today, someone found Exercising Monsters by looking up the following (no joke, no exaggerations, no modifications):

pee hole excersising pictures

Okay, let’s dissect this one.

First of all, that is not how you spell exercising.  Lose 5 points.

Secondly, even if I knew any ways to exercise my pee hole, I would not post pictures of it.  This is a family friendly website.

Thirdly, what do you plan on doing with your pee hole that you need to do exercises with it?  Are you trying to improve your distance?  Accuracy?  Flow rate?  Regardless, it probably isn’t wise for you to try any pee hole exercises you get off of the internet.

One can only hope that tomorrow brings as much silliness as I found today.