When my brother suggested that I try doing some writing for Cracked.com, I was sceptical. I’m sceptical of most things, to be honest, but the thought of trying to submit something to a site that has literally thousands of contributing writers all trying to get noticed seemed like a daunting task.
You try to convince yourself that you are a better writer than most of them. You try to tell yourself that you actually work at writing, have a degree in English Lit, and understand the craft better than the majority, but it seems very hollow and empty to think those things and not have a publication history behind it. You then start thinking that you actually can’t write at all, and that you have been fooling yourself into thinking you could.
And then you start to drink.
The editors of Cracked.com did a lot to save my liver today. True to their word, they featured my very first article on their site. And while I would have been thrilled just to have it featured on the “Topics” page (the section that would make the most sense), they put it on their main page, their home page, for all the world (or at least the section of it that enjoys twisted humour) to see.
Of course, the downside to this is that the entire population of tabletop gamers has now come out to rally the cause of Dungeons and Dragons against me. In a matter of hours, dozens of hate-mail messages appeared on my article, denouncing me as a hack and a villain for suggesting that D and D players were social rejects. They claim that the cliché is overused, the gamers are sexy and exciting, and rolling dice is awesome compared with top-of-the-line graphics in online gaming equivalents.
Apparently I am all turned around on this role-playing thing. Turns out that all the hot singles are playing it, and the title of “Dungeon Master” rings out with sexual power and allure. Having a level 7 half-elven druid at your disposal makes you hotter than anyone with a fleet of Ferraris. 12-sided dice make women melt.
Of course, I can’t possibly keep up with the deluge of bile being dumped my way, but my brother assures me that Cracked.com is big on riling people up (which makes sense, if your site is based on traffic). So I will just sit back, enjoy the brief window of attention, and plan my next assault.