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Knowing that I will likely receive a lot of flack from this, I’m just going to throw these out for those of us not involved in the Twilight / New Moon hysteria that has taken over what was once an otherwise sane and discerning general population.  You are probably already familiar with these t-shirts:

For those who like their men pasty, controlling, and one accidental nosebleed away from marital violence.

For those who like their men hairy, aggressive, and prone to piddling on the carpet.

As an option, please consider the following: