(This has no relevancy to anything to do with Emily Rose. I just needed a break from trying to finish the bloody book today, and I’ve been reading a lot of Neil Gaiman.)
Nick is in a car. It is late. Only the Drive-Thru of the local MacBurger’s is open. He rolls up to the order speaker. He rolls down the window and leans over, waiting patiently for the tinny-sounding voice.
Speaker box: “(crackle) -elcome to MacBurger’s, where we always (crackle-pop) do it your way. Can I take your (hiss) order?”
Nick: “Hi there. Could I have a large MacBlizzard, the… whatsitsname… Cream Egg flavour?”
Speaker box: “Would you (sparkly noise) like to upsize to a large (scraping sound)?”
Nick: (Pause) “No, I just ordered a large.”
Speaker box: “So you don’t want to (screech) upsize your MacBlizzard?”
Nick: (Longer pause) “According to you, what will I get if I upsize my MacBlizzard?”
Speaker box: “Hold on (feedback) a minute. Let me check with (fuzzy sound) my manager.”
Nick: “No! Don’t bother- Damn.”
A minute passes.
Speaker box: “(clank) Okay, I’ve checked with my (sputter) manager and he says you can’t upsize a large MacBlizzard. I guess (flapping noise) it’s the biggest one we have.”
Nick: “That’s fine. That’s fine. I’ll just take the biggest one you have. One large Cream Egg MacBlizzard.”
Speaker box: (long pause) “(flitter-flop) My manager says we don’t (spink-spink) have any Cream Eggs left.”
Nick: “Okay, whatever. What other flavours do you have then?”
Speaker box: (very long pause) “Hold on. Let me (squishing noise) check with my manager.”
Nick: “No wait! Dammit.”
Several minutes pass.
Speaker box: “Chocolate (crinkle).”
Nick: (pause) “Just chocolate? Nothing else? It took you that long to find out you only have chocolate? No wait, don’t go ask your manager. Chocolate is fine. One large chocolate MacBlizzard. Please.”
Speaker box: “(plitter-platter) Would you like to (phfft) upsize it?”
Nick: (very long pause) “No.”
Speaker box: “That will be (creaking noise) three dollars and fourteen cents. Please (sprang) pull up to the first window.”
Nick pulls up to the first stall. A teen-aged girl with bad skin and braces slides open the window.
Girl: “Okay, now before I take your money, my manager has told me that we don’t have any ice cream left.”
Girl: “So I can’t make you your MacBlizzard.”
Nick: (sound of head gently hitting steering wheel) “Of course you can’t. Do you have anything in the ice-cream sort of family?”
Girl: (pause) “I can get you some fries, I guess.”